K.'s
Door
K.
found himself in front of a time door. Now he had the chance to go
back in time and un-construct his successful rifle construction and a
million soldiers, gangsters, militias and wackos wouldn't have a
weapon any longer. He pictured their bewilderment as their guns
evaporated between their hands, but if it was never constructed and
produced it wouldn't be in anyone's hands or memory as there would be
nothing to hold or to remember and nothing would vanish as it was
never there in the first place. Time enigmas are confusing.
steadily
upwards the ivy that hugs the maple
But if
he didn't construct that rifle someone else probably would have.
Among man's more or less endearing traits is the urge to find new
ways - often called 'better ways', 'more effective ways' - of killing
others and what would have happened to his Motherland if he left the
construction in his head?
“Lord
Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner”
went on
like a loop in his mind in his grandmother's voice as he considered
the options. Where did that come from? Shouldn't be there. The Party
didn't like it but grandmother's voice didn't care. It was soothing.
It was hope of redemption. After all his many weapon designs had made
the way of killing easier and if death became the easy choice … He
shook his head.
“Pray
without ceasing,
Misha.
Pray.”
And
then the door was gone. Now there was only that excruciating pain and
the morphine relief that fortunately seemed to appease the ancestors
gathered round his bed in this all too white room.
burned
by the sun we live on with the ashes
…
notes:
K. for Mikhail Timofeyevich Kalashnikov, general
and weapons constructor
“Lord
Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner”: The
so-called “Jesus Prayer” a predominantly Christian Orthodox
tradition. The prayer that's used for “pray without ceasing” (1
Thessalonians 5:17)
burned
by the sun: title of film about Stalin's paranoiac regime
...................
K.s dør
K. fandt sig selv foran en tidsdør. Nu havde han chancen, for at gå
tilbage i tiden og u-konstruere sin succesfulde riffelkonstruktion og
en million soldater, gangstere, militser og galninge ville ikke
længere have et våben. Han forestillede sig deres forvirring, da
deres geværer forduftede mellem deres hænder, men hvis det aldrig
var konstrueret og produceret, ville det ikke være i nogens hænder
eller erindring, eftersom der ikke ville være noget at holde eller
erindre og ikke noget, der kunne fordufte til at begynde med.
Tidsgåder er forvirrende.
støt og roligt opad efeuen der krammer ahorntræet
Men hvis han ikke have konstrueret den riffel, er det højst
sandsynligt, at en anden ville have gjort det. Blandt menneskets mere
eller mindre elskelige træk er trangen til at finde nye måder -
ofte kaldet 'bedre måder', 'mere effektive måder' - at slå andre
ihjel, og hvad ville der være sket med hans Moderland, hvis han
havde ladet konstruktionen forblive i sit hoved?
”Herre Jesus Kristus, Guds søn, forbarm dig over mig en synder”
kørte som et loop i hans hoved med hans bedstemors stemme, mens han
overvejede mulighederne. Hvor kom den fra? Den skulle ikke være der.
Partiet brød sig ikke om det, men bedstemoderens stemme var
ligeglad. Den var lindrende. Den var håb om forløsning. Når det
kom til stykket, have alle hans våbenkonstruktioner gjort drab
lettere, og hvis døden blev det nemme valg … Han rystede på
hovedet.
”Bed uden ophør,
Misha.
Bed.”
Og så var døren væk. Nu var der kun den dér forfærdelige smerte
og morfinens befrielse, der heldigvis syntes at berolige forfædrene,
der var samlet omkring hans seng i det alt for hvide værelse.
brændte af solen lever vi videre med asken
…
notes:
K. for Mikhail
Timofeyevich Kalashnikov,
general
og
våbenkonstruktør
”Herre
Jesus Kristus, Guds søn, forbarm dig over mig en synder”:
Den
såkaldte
“Jesusbøn”,
en
fortrinsvis kristen
Ortodoks
tradition. Det
er den bøn, der bruges for at efterleve
“bed
uden ophør”
(1
Thess. 5:17)
brændt
af solen: en film om Stalins paranoide regime
